In last week’s blog post, I opened the discussion about the two significant life changes that graduating seniors are about to undertake, with an added spicy layer for those going abroad: the academic and adulthood transitions. I first covered the academic pieces, and today I’m tackling the personal side– how students manage themselves and their lives away from home for the first time as young, unsupervised adults. Before diving into the particulars, it’s important to say that both students and parents will have A LOT of feelings during this period, and there are no right or wrong ways to feel. A simultaneous mix of excitement, fear, pride, anxiety, and joy is pretty typical, though certainly other emotions may make an appearance. Untangling and processing these emotions is not easy business; it is messy and requires patience and reflection to get at the heart of understanding on a deep level. However, you will overcome this fraught moment– students will step into their new exciting lives as young adults in a new place to explore, and parents will delight in their watching their child’s growth and mastery of grown-up things unfold, all while probably missing each other terribly.
Adulthood Transition
As if a completely new academic experience weren’t enough to navigate with a still-growing brain, our young adults are about to hop out of the nest and will be managing their daily lives. No longer will parents be able to help get their students out of bed in the morning, no longer is there a daily home routine, no longer are groceries bought and cooked by someone else; now students have to figure it all out themselves, side-by-side with the aforementioned academic transition. They are essentially flying the plane while building it. This is, understandably, a very sensitive period that even the most accomplished of students struggle with; in fact, grades really don’t determine how well students adapt to adulting. Better indicators include whether students have already been cultivating good organization skills, have traveled before (especially independently), have had to get themselves places or find their own way around a city, or have responsibilities at home like cooking and other chores.
Now they will need to do their own laundry, feed themselves, manage their new seemingly-abundant “free” time (i.e. not really free, just loosely structured), learn to use an ATM, make phone calls and talk to adult strangers, go to the doctor alone, etc. Some of these things may be small beans for some students, while for others they are daunting tasks to conquer. For the first time, students need to be unequivocally organized and accountable for their time and choices. Did they remember to get their clothes out of the dryer before going to class? Did they get up early enough to grab breakfast? Did they pick up their medication at the pharmacy? They will need to learn how to get from one side of campus to another in order to be on time for classes and other commitments. In my experience, the students who are singularly focused on highly rigorous academics and structured extracurricular activities in high school tend to struggle more because oftentimes they’ve not had to tackle these self-care tasks at home before, and they will likely undergo a bigger shock to the system when that rigid structure is removed in college.
Again, there’s a significant additional layer to consider when studying internationally. They will be learning to calculate time zone differences and currency exchanges, understand road rules and unfamiliar street signs (which side of the road are cars and bikes coming from?), and adopt local customs that can help them successfully navigate daily life. All of this might be happening in another language, so they often need to learn enough of said new language to get by. They will be in classrooms and student groups with new people from all over the world— so exciting, but there are also cultural nuances to master. They will need to learn to care for themselves when sick and to access medical services in an unfamiliar system on or near campus. In short, these are big changes and they will need support. Depending on their university, there is a spectrum of available support on campus, so it is always important for students away from home to be able to advocate for themselves.
Regarding housing, there is also a rather wide range of possible experiences. While some universities offer residence halls akin to those in the U.S., it is more common to be housed in an apartment with several students, in which everyone gets their own room (and sometimes bathroom!) and shares a kitchen and common living area. This means students are shopping, cooking, negotiating, and cleaning up after themselves, thus growing up very quickly. One of the beautiful things about this is that they learn to work together to form a home-away-from-home and hopefully are able to lean on each other as they all navigate these collective learning curves.
Parents of course can and will support as much as possible from a distance, but as you have likely gathered, there will be SO MUCH going on when students arrive on campus, so whatever they can do to prepare themselves ahead of time personally and mentally will help them tremendously. Before leaving home is an ideal time to practice new skills; if they make a mistake, it’s best to do it with family around to help them learn.
If I may, I’d like to plug two very important things that students should prioritize once they arrive at their university: getting acquainted with the International Student Office/Center (some version of this is likely to exist) and getting involved in activities ON CAMPUS. The International Student Office is generally a hub for international students to seek information, get assistance with immigration documents and understanding local systems, celebrate their diverse cultures, and connect with people who understand the experience of studying outside their home country. Here there will always people who “get it” and will help students become oriented and manage challenges along the way as they get acclimated to their new international environment.
Regarding activities, I cannot overstate the importance of students getting involved specifically in their immediate surroundings, though opportunities will vary depending on the university. Some places will be somewhat similar to the U.S., namely Ireland, the UK, and American liberal arts colleges with campuses abroad. I can share an example from my own time at various institutions: while attending Boston University as a freshman and sophomore, I had to work a few different jobs to pay for living expenses, so I spent a lot of time off campus. I didn’t have time to join student organizations, and I’m not even sure that I thought about it much. At the time, I did not understand the importance of creating connections and relationships at school, and I never felt terribly connected there. In contrast, when I later attended Mills College, I got involved in the French Club, lived in the French Studies wing of my dorm, and attended events at the small international English school that Mills hosted on campus. While studying abroad in Paris, there weren’t really opportunities to get involved at the university level since I took individual classes at different university campuses around the city, but I made sure to attend weekend excursions, cooking classes, and other activities organized by my program to help our cohort gel and feel connected. Later when I became a school counselor, this all made sense! Joining clubs, groups, societies and activities will absolutely help students build their new social network and feel safer and more invested in their campus experience.
Without further ado, as with Part 1, I’d like to offer you some suggestions for how to get ahead of these adjustments, even if only a little bit before the great launch in September!
Students
You are 100% capable of rocking this. Whatever you can learn and practice beforehand will help you tremendously to be ready to do it on your own when you’re away from home. And you don’t have to do it perfectly– there will generally be help, either from college personnel, peer mentors, or older students who already know the ropes. It’s normal to make mistakes and it takes practice to get the hang of managing all the moving parts of adult life.
- Daily self-care tasks at home (see below for the new chores I’m encouraging your parents to foist upon you– you’re welcome)
- Go to the grocery store with a shopping list and purchase all the items
- Learn how to find, read, and execute a recipe from a cookbook or website
- If applicable, research the local language, cuisine, music, and other cultural aspects of your college destination
- Research and bookmark ahead of time the social and support services that you are likely to use, such as the International Student Office, health clinic, mental health services, LGBTQ Center, or religious/cultural houses, to name a few
- Research the student clubs and activities on your new campus more thoroughly to get an idea of what groups you might like to join
- Definitely, absolutely, without a doubt sign up for new student orientation, especially if you’re going abroad!
- Get in touch with your new roommate(s) and peers before arriving on campus if possible
Parents
There is a lot to do! Think about practical aspects of daily life and the tools we take for granted. You may find that your teen is regressing at home emotionally, arguing or pushing back more than usual, or having big feelings at the drop of a hat. This is all pretty normal while they are attempting to reconcile everything happening inside and around them. Help students become more independent in these last months at home, procure necessary supplies, and plan for various expected and unexpected scenarios:
- If not already doing so, encourage students to do as much as possible on their own, including:
- Doing laundry
- Preparing simple meals
- Practicing use of local public transportation
- If traveling as a family, having them handle foreign currency, order meals, figure out transportation routes, and talk to strangers to ask for information or directions
- Scheduling doctor appointments and making adult phone calls
- Have them help you plan family meals and the weekly grocery list
- Make a list of all medications and medical needs, and reach out to relevant doctors to get prescriptions and/or starter supply (enlist your student to help with this)
- Bookmark the contact information and procedure for emergency services at the college and in the local area
- For students leaving North America, take into account the following items for their destination college, city, and country:
- Check the voltage for electric/electronic devices and buy power adapters as needed (yay for dual-voltage devices!)
- Research international cell phone plans
- Build a basic understanding of the local currency, laws, and customs
- Be prepared for the likelihood that personnel of the college will not be able to communicate with you about your student’s grades and personal information due to privacy laws, since your student will no longer be a minor. However, universities do recognize that parents need access to some information in order to feel comfortable sending their student abroad, so some schools do offer a family portal, Family Relations Office, or other communication opportunities.
I hope this two-part post has been helpful in breaking down some of the significant changes that parents and students can anticipate as the college takeoff looms. Please reach out with any questions that you have, and share with other students and parents who are going through this too!
© 2026 Dafna Adler & Wanderlust College Counseling
